stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
