thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
