We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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