Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
