she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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