That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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