I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
