Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
