I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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