I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
