YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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