I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
