he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
