It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
