so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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