i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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