Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
