lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's like iHOP with fire
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
