How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
