but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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