mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
