I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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