woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
