great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize