i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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