Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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