Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
