How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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