I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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