dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
