Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
