do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
