dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize