can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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