By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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