She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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