hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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