I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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