so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
