I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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