drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
