I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
