the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
