He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
