you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize