I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
