We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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