when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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