Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
