Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
