Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize