I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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