can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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