You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
