If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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