using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
