we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
