Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
