Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
smell my finger.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
