tonight lets celebrate not being married
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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