Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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