I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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