I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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