Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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