I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
