Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
