I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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