Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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