i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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