You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
