No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
