Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
