She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
