dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
