I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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