How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize