i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
